Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
