Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
