I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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