I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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