Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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