Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
