Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
