Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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