Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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