I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
