yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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