my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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