I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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