I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
