my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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