So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
