Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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