I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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