Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
