I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
