if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
time to smoke my breakfast
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
