So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize