just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
