A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
