Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
