as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
