First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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