i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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