he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
