tell your sister to shave her snatch
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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