I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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