Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
