This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
only you would photoshop your dick
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
