If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
