I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
