i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
