Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize