just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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