So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
