Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
