my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
