I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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