I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
