I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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