my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
