Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
