mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
