Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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