Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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