she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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