hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
