apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
