I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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