I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
