you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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