On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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