Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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