I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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