I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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