I heard we made out
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
