yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
