OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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