fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
