I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
