Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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