One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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