I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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