your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
