Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
