so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
