Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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