fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
