I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
