dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
