So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
