me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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