Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize