her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
