My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
