I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
porn star boner night. come get it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
