I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
