I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize