while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
