I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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