Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am naked and annoyed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize