you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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