like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
