i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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