Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize