If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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